Hangovers, Bodies and Really Stupid Ninjas
by Speedy Speck
Summary: Elena, Rude, Reno and Tifa switch bodies...One-Shot...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane'


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: This is my thirty-seventh fanfic!...Any good?...Probably not!...Oh and it was written for 'The Sacred and Profane'! PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :D

Elena sighed as she moved over in her sleep, the light surrounding the bedroom was starting to awaken her.

She stretched out her arms yawning widely, though her expression stiffened when her arm came into contact with another body.

_God...I must have been really drunk last night... _she rubbed her temple, in an attempt to stop her head from pounding so, as she turned to have a look at the possible one night stand.

''Holy Shin-Ra! Tifa...what...did we...!'' There laying on the bed beside her, was indeed the brunette bartender, snoring loudly, though she started to stir awake when Elena started shouting.

Rude's head felt like someone had used it as some kind of punch bag, and his lack of sunglasses was bothering him profusely. His eye's slowly opened when he heard a voice coming from beside him, _Who the hell...woah... _When his eyes were fully focused on the red head in front of him, his mouth fell open, _How much did I drink...I swore this would never happen again...not after last year's Christmas party..._

''Reno...what did we do?''

''What, I'm not Reno...I'm Elena...did you have a knock on the head Tifa?''

''Tifa...'' It was now that he looked down at his form, and his eyes came into contact with two rather large breasts, _Oh dear..._''Re- I mean...Elena, I'm Rude...and I really think you should take a look in the mirror.''

Elena looked strangely confused, ''Erm...Ok...''

As the form made it's way across the room, Rude could see that it was now noticing the fact they were both in an unfamiliar room. When Elena arrived at the bathroom, Rude listened out for her reaction, and he didn't have to wait long.

''AHHHHH!''

Within seconds Elena had run back into the room, ''So I'm in Reno's body and your in...Tifa's?''

Rude just nodded, though he found the situation incredibly strange, not the mention slightly arousing, his fellow Turk wouldn't have learn so from his expression.

So instead Elena decided to ask the questions that needed to be asked, ''Well what happened, why are we...like this?''

Rude just shrugged in his trademark silence.

The red head's brow was furrowed in thought, ''Wait...if we're them...then they must be us!''

''Oh dear...'' Even Rude couldn't hide his distress at someone else walking around in his body.

''Most likely Tifa will be in your body...and Reno will be...oh damn it! I think we better get to Shin-Ra HQ...quickly...''

* * *

''Yo...Tifa...what time is-AH!'' Reno had rolled over in his sleep and consequently feel off the desk on which he was lying. He rubbed his head as he got to his feet and began brushing himself off, only to find, much to his surprise, his frame had suddenly got curvy, he was still half asleep so just took it to be his crazy imagination. It wasn't until the Turk ran a hand through his now short hair that he decided to run to the mirror.

As he walked across the office his brow furrowed,_ Why am I at Shin-Ra HQ...I don't remember going to sleep here...though I don't ever really remember much when I've been drinking... _When he finally got to the reflective surface, unlike Elena he just raised at eyebrow, ''Hm.'' As he was looking at his now blonde haired refection, he noticed another person in the corner of the mirror, still asleep on a chair.

The tall, manly form almost seemed lifeless, it was so still, but when Reno poked it hard in the side, the eyes shot open.

''I'm blind! I'm blind! I've gone blind! I knew all that alcohol would do something!'' Rude's form looked especially funny, flaying his arms about like a scared little girl.

Reno chuckled before grabbing Tifa's shoulder's to steady her, ''You're not blind...you're wearing sunglasses...''

''Elena...what are you...why am I wearing sunglasses?'' Tifa's mind was racing, _Why am I at an office...and with Elena...I don't remember this...my back kills...last time I sleep in a chair..._

Reno sighed and looked at his girlfriend, who was now sitting with her legs crossed and her hands clasped over her knees. If Reno had a camera he would have taken many many pictures of the extremely feminine looking Rude. ''Because...for some reason...You've turned into Rude...and I've turned into Laney...''

''What are you talking about...you are Elena!'' Tifa was still quite confused, her mouth open in a funny twist.

''No I'm Reno...in Laney...it's...weird I know...but...yeah...and you're in Rude...''

''But I-'' She got up now and realised just how tall she was. ''Woah...I'm like a giant!'' She was obviously enjoying towering over her boyfriend. ''How did you know I was me though...? I mean before I woke up, you already knew...''

A rather sweet smile creped onto the blonde's lips, ''Because I've slept beside you for over seven months now and I can spot that contented little face you pull anywhere...''

Before she could go over and give him a hug, the door burst open and a rather huffy looking Tseng scanned his eyes over the pair.

''Did you two sleep here...?''

Instead of answering they just nodded at the raven haired Turk, and shifted their eyes to the floor.

''This is what happens if you go out drinking with Reno...'' He muttered quietly, though loud enough for them to hear before continuing, ''Get yourselves cleaned up and get to work...''

Again the pair nodded as they watched the Turk turn to leave and were about to let out a sigh of relief when Tseng spun round again, ''Oh and when Reno gets in...tell him I'm giving him extra paperwork for being late...again...and Elena...I expected more from you.''

When the door closed behind Reno's superior he stuck out his delicate pink tongue.

Tifa let out a light sigh, ''Little does he know you're actually on time...for once.''

The blonde turned around with a scared look out his pretty features, ''Don't tell him!...It'll ruin my rep...''

* * *

Back at Tifa and Reno's flat above Seventh Heaven, the two Turks were trying to get dressed the best they could.

''Why is Reno so bloody skinny!''

Elena turned to see her friend just standing there holding a pile of clothes.

''What's the matter?''

''I...'' Rude shifted his gaze around nervously, obviously finding it hard to get the words out, ''I don't want...I don't think Tifa would appreciate me seeing her...naked...''

The red head sighed and walked over to the brunette, ''Listen how about you close your eyes and I'll dress you hm? You won't see a thing and Tifa won't mind...I've seen her naked before anyway...''

Rude perked up his eyebrows suddenly interested, ''Really! When...when was that?''

Elena smirked at her curious looking friend, ''Well...''

Two hours later the pair were strolling down the street, Rude's mind still on their early conversation, while Elena was enjoying the looks she was getting off the many young females they passed.

Though they were soon shook out of their own thoughts when two familiar faces appeared in front of them.

''Hey guys, where you off to?'' Strife was looking at them with interest, while the tall, cloaked form next to him just stared.

Elena was the first to find her voice, ''Erm...just out for a walk!'' The red head grabbed Rude's hand, in an attempt to make the lie more convincing. ''You know...a nice...romantic...walk...'' The grin across the Turk's face was rather wide, if a little fake.

Strife looked at Valentine, and raised an eyebrow before turning back to the couple, ''Well that's nice. So we'll just...let you get on with that...''

''Ok!'' With that Elena pushed past them, pulling along Rude, but suddenly a devious smirk spread across the red head's lips and her head spun around, ''Oh and by the way...I have a tiny...tiny penis...isn't that right Tifa?''

Valentine and Strife just stopped dead in their tracks and turned around slowly, looking at the Turk with wide eyes and open mouths, completely baffled. It was actually quite a funny sight to see the pair so speechless.

The red head just flashed them an extremely joyful smile before turning back and continuing the walk.

When the pair were both around the corner and out of sight, the brunette turned to his Turk friend,

''What was that about?''

''Well...Reno told me my boobs were to small...so...'' An eyebrow was raised and a sly smile spread across her face.

Rude shook his head, ''How old are you Elena...'' He sounded serious, but his face showed signs of amusement.

The pair didn't notice, but they remained hand in hand all the way to Shin-Ra HQ.

* * *

The blonde was looking in the mirror, seemingly admiring the new shapes that his form created, ''You know it's quite fun...being a girl...''

''Excuse me...?'' Tifa raised her eyebrows above the sunglasses through extreme surprise.

''Though I gotta say this hair is so...blah...I mean...mine is so much better.'' Reno started pulling the blonde locks about as if trying to get it like his own, and pouted sexily at his refection.

A few moments passed, where Tifa just stared at her boyfriend, through both confusion and curiosity, before eventually coming to her senses, ''Right...sweetheart stop admiring yourself and get on with your reports!''

''It's all nag, nag, nag with you isn't it!'' Reno's smile soon faded when he began to sense the death glare through his girlfriend's dark shades and it made his petite form tremble, ''Sorry...but you're not doing anything either!''

Tifa shrugged, ''But I'm not a Turk...I've got no idea what these reports are even about...''

''Pfft...excuses, excuses...'' Reno sighed as he plonked himself down on the office chair and began sifting through the varies files. It wasn't long before a distracting thought passed through his head.

A rather cheeky looking smirk spread over his delicate features and within seconds a ball of crumpled paper collided with the bald Turk's shiny head.

Tifa let a mock look of outrage creep onto her face before beginning to chase the blonde around the desks, ''You...are...so...dead!''

Before long the much larger form of Rude was straddling the blonde Turk and had begun kissing her passionately.

It felt both strange, and arousing to be kissing these new versions of their partners. When they both finally broke apart another cheeky smirk appeared onto the small blonde's face.

The bald on top looked at her boyfriend with curiosity ''What?''

''Just wondering what kind of underwear Laney wears...''

Tifa raised an eyebrow, ''If you even take one peek I will shave off all your hair and make you eat it with ketchup.''

* * *

Elena and Rude had finally arrived at Shin-Ra HQ, and were in the lift to be precise, and were about to close the doors when Tseng glided in and joined them on their ascend.

The raven haired Turk looked at the brunette besides Reno with confusion, ''It's not bring your girlfriend to work day...''

''Oh I know, she just needs to...talk to El-Laney!'' The red head turned to face Tseng, looking slightly inquisitive, ''Speaking of...are her and Rude here yet?''

''Yes, they're in the office...unlike you they were here on time...even if they did sleep in there...''

''What together?'' Elena let a look of shock and apprehension spread over her now slightly manly features.

''Well...yes...no...I don't know, they were just there when I got in this morning...Elena looked pretty rough though.''

''Hey!'' The red head looked at her superior, a wounded expression, quite unfamiliar on the Turk's face.

Luckily it was then the lift door opened and the brunette and the two Turks stepped out, only to hear shouting coming from the office opposite.

''What are they doing now...'' The raven haired leader muttered under his breath before proceeding to the door, the red head and brunette following behind.

When they entered, they found the entire place in a mess, papers everywhere, chairs upturned and the desks were completely clear, there previous items now laying on the floor.

And there in the middle of the room the blonde Turk seemed to be tickling the bald man, who was squirming about like a worm.

The pair stopped shouting and giggling when Tseng slammed the door shut dramatically, ''What is going on?''

The pair stood up straight and focued their eyes on the ground, ''Erm nothing...nothing sir...''

''I don't know what's going on with you two today...but just...sort yourselves out...'' Tseng muttered something to himself as he left the room, _Why do I employ these idiots..._

The four stood in silence for sometime, as if knowing what each of the other's where thinking. After five minutes Elena decided to voice the obvious, ''I think we should go down to the labs...''

* * *

One hour later...

The three Turk's and the one bartender looked at each other quizzically, as if silently asking one another if everything was back to normal.

After a few minutes a look of relief spread over each of their faces, each of them happy with the bodies they were now in.

Elena looked up, her brow furrowed, with a clear look of confusion, ''The thing is...I still don't get how we got all...mixed up...''

Tifa raised her head in agreement, ''Me neither...bloody weird...''

Rude just nodded.

Reno shrugged before running a hand through his hair, a pleased look on his face at finally having his red locks back, ''Yo...it'll just have to remain a mystery...''

Meanwhile over the other side of Edge...

Marlene looked at her friend with interest, ''So you were saying you got your own back...how exactly?''

''I just...messed with them...'' The ninja was smiling cheekily.

''You're quite scary sometimes you know that...'' The girl giggled when Yuffie tried to pull a 'scary' face.

''Well it'll teach them not to pick on the great ninja Yuffie!''

''But...they don't know you did...whatever you did...correct?''

''Nope, not a clue!'' Yuffie looked very pleased at this.

''So how exactly is it gunna stop them picking on you...if they don't know it was you that 'messed' with them?''

The ninja paused in thought for a few seconds before slumping her head down on the table, ''Drat...''


End file.
